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Abused Woman Discovers God’s Love

In his book Jesus in the Margins, Rick McKinley shares stories of people who have experienced difficulty in life’s journey. One of those stories comes from 31-year-old Tiffany. She writes:

When I was 9-years-old, I was molested by a family member. At the time I really didn’t understand what was happening, but I knew it wasn’t normal. I was too scared to tell anyone, and because he was a family member, I felt that somehow my mom and dad allowed it to happen. Looking back, I can see that wasn’t true, but at the time I didn’t know any better.
The abuse continued until I was 12, and I told my mom what was happening. She cried so loud and for so long. I realized then the gravity of what had happened.… I’ve never been able to scrub the sick feeling off my soul that was put there through the abuse. So I just go through life feeling that if anyone ever knew who I was on the inside, they would simply reject me.
I hate men. That’s maybe a little strong. But every relationship I’ve ever had has been shallow because of it. I can’t give myself to them, not emotionally anyway. I can have a sexual relationship, but that’s about as far as it goes. For some reason, trusting men with my body isn’t a big deal; I just can’t trust them with my heart….
I’m kind of angry with God. Why did he let it happen to me? He couldn’t really love me…. I hope one day I can be honest with someone about my life and about what has happened to me, even the things I’ve done. And I hope that person can love me anyway.

At the end of the book, McKinley includes another letter from Tiffany, who is now at a different stage in her journey.

I am always amazed at how God has met me in the deepest parts of me.…I realize that God has loved me the whole time. The abuse taught me that I was worthless, but Christ has taught me that I am precious to him.
The greatest thing is that in his love I could really forgive the person who hurt me and move on. Moving on is a daily thing for me. I can’t say that it’s cut-and-dried or that the pain is gone forever, but it is different now….
I am still single, but I don’t give myself away to guys anymore. I see now that the love I was looking for can only be found in Jesus. I am a grateful daughter who is just trying to stay in my Father’s love.

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