In his book Jesus in the Margins, Rick McKinley shares stories of people who have experienced difficulty in life’s journey. One of those stories comes from 31-year-old Tiffany. She writes:

When I was 9-years-old, I was molested by a family member. At the time I really didn’t understand what was happening, but I knew it wasn’t normal. I was too scared to tell anyone, and because he was a family member, I felt that somehow my mom and dad allowed it to happen. Looking back, I can see that wasn’t true, but at the time I didn’t know any better.

The abuse continued until I was 12, and I told my mom what was happening. She cried so loud and for so long. I realized then the gravity of what had happened.… I’ve never been able to scrub the sick feeling off my soul that was put there through the abuse. So I just go through life feeling that if anyone ever knew who I was on the inside, they would simply reject me.

I hate men. That’s maybe a little strong. But every relationship I’ve ever had has been shallow because of it. I can’t give myself to them, not emotionally anyway. I can have a sexual relationship, but that’s about as far as it goes. For some reason, trusting men with my body isn’t a big deal; I just can’t trust them with my heart….

I’m kind of angry with God. Why did he let it happen to me? He couldn’t really love me…. I hope one day I can be honest with someone about my life and about what has happened to me, even the things I’ve done. And I hope that person can love me anyway.

At the end of the book, McKinley includes another letter from Tiffany, who is now at a different stage in her journey.

I am always amazed at how God has met me in the deepest parts of me.…I realize that God has loved me the whole time. The abuse taught me that I was worthless, but Christ has taught me that I am precious to him.

The greatest thing is that in his love I could really forgive the person who hurt me and move on. Moving on is a daily thing for me. I can’t say that it’s cut-and-dried or that the pain is gone forever, but it is different now….

I am still single, but I don’t give myself away to guys anymore. I see now that the love I was looking for can only be found in Jesus. I am a grateful daughter who is just trying to stay in my Father’s love.