There were no streetlights, headlights, or even flashlights. There was just darkness, and some women walking through a big city on the way into some woods. Mary, the woman from Magdalene, was probably asking herself, If only he hadn't come in to Jerusalem during this time of trouble. If only his disciples had hidden him somewhere else. If only there wasn't all of this tumult going on in the empire right now. If only Peter had been able with his sword to fight. If only.
Mary was probably trying in her mind to do what all of us try to do at some point or another: To reverse the past, to go backward in the story. That's what some of you are doing today. Some of you have parts of your story that are horrifying. Maybe even parts that only took just a second or a minute or a split tick on the clock. You're saying to yourself, If only I hadn't been fiddling with that radio in the car that one moment. If only I hadn't gone to that party that night. If only I hadn't slipped that hotel card into that keyhole. If only I had told her, I love you. Or if only I hadn't.
Some of you have questions in your mind, you have an image of something you would love to reverse, to erase. Some of you may not have that moment yet but you will. Because all of us will one day find ourselves hearing the whirring of machines around us, the beeping of monitors, the pulling of ventilators, the rustling of cords. All of us will experience what we cannot imagine now: The primal fear that we are slipping out into the night of death.
They tell me that the moment before that happens, they say your life flashes before your eyes. I don't know if that's true but I know if it ...
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