The dictionary defines lust this way: "An intense or unrestrained sexual craving." There are some secondary meanings. Sometimes it's used to mean an overwhelming desire or craving, like a lust for power. Or we use it sometimes to describe an intense eagerness or enthusiasm, as in, "He has a lust for life." But we're talking about the first and third definitions here: to have an intense or obsessive desire, especially one that is sexual.

Illustration: There are some more creative and artistic definitions that I like. Frederick Buechner says, "Lust is the craving for salt by a man who is dying of thirst." Another writer said, "Lust is the athlete's foot of the mind." Think about thatan itch that never gets scratched. Maxie Dunnam says, "It's a preoccupation with the object of our desire."

However you define it, lust deserves a spot in the top of the list of most destructive sins. Christians are particularly vulnerable in the area of sexual sin for two reasons. First of all, we live in a culture. Sex is the predominant theme of primetime television. It seems like every billboard and magazine ad uses sexual images for the purpose of selling products.

The second reason Christians are so vulnerable is the church has done a poor job of teaching the whole truth about human sexuality. Sexuality is a topic like no other. There is no other aspect of our physical or emotional life that contains so much potential for both intense pleasure and profound suffering. It is a topic for which the Bible has plenty to say, yet we have allowed our discomfort and embarrassment to keep us from understanding that God created us male and female as sexual beings on purpose.

The predominant perceived message of the church is that sex is bad, nasty, yucky, let's not talk about it. And we often come down especially hard on those caught up in the area of sexual sin. Now we'll welcome the glutton. We'll ignore the envious or greedy person. We'll elevate the prideful person in the place of leadership. We'll tolerate anger and sloth. But let someone fall into sexual sin, and we'll boot them out and shut the door tightespecially for something outside your heterosexual sin.

It's time we put aside our discomfort and take an honest, mature look at what the Bible says about sex, love, and lust. The Bible does say there are some things that are unacceptable. Most of us are familiar with warnings about the dangers of unacceptable sexual expression. Ephesians 5:3 says, "Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." Jesus himself said, "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

These and other verses describe sexuality outside the banks. But these warnings are not because God hates sex or wants to keep us from having fun. These warnings are given to help us not have to experience the tremendous damage that will come our way when sexual sin overflows its banks.

Sexual sin creates untold physical damageunwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases, and aids, to mention a few. It causes emotional damage. I cannot tell you the pain I have seen in the lives of people who have been damaged because of somebody else's sexual appetites run amuck. It causes spiritual damage. The guilt and shame that comes when a follower of Christ knowingly engages in illicit sexual behavior creates the equivalent of a concrete wall around her heart and makes prayer and worship virtually impossible.

The Bible presents sex as a gift from God

We're familiar with what the Bible says about unacceptable behavior, but we somehow have missed what God says is acceptable. The Bible does speak of sexual expression in positive terms. The first mention is in the creation story in Genesis 2. After God created Eve so Adam would not be alone it says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." This next sentence is very important: "The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

Just as God gave Adam and Eve a beautiful world in which to live and provided for every physical need, he gave them the gift of sexual intimacy so they could express their love to one another.

Unfortunately I've seen too many Christian marriages suffer because husband or wife or both were afraid to give themselves to one another. If your life has been full of messages like "Sex is dirty," "Just say no," or "Only bad girls do that," it's hard to suddenly shrug all that off on your wedding night just because you've said some marital vows. But shame has no place in the marriage bed. God gave husband and wife to one another for joyous, uninhibited freedom of sexual expression.

I've thought about writing a book on the subject of sex in marriage, and I'm thinking about calling it Love God, Sleep Naked: The Secret of a Great Marriage. I think the title alone will sell a couple of million copies.

The message we give our children should not be "Sex is bad; don't do it." Instead we should be sending this message: "Sex between a husband and a wife is awesome, and it's worth waiting for."

Another verse that speaks of the joy of marital intimacy may be almost too explicit for primetime, but I'm going to risk it, because I want to prove the Bible is pro sex. The Bible does not squelch sexual expression between husband and wife. Proverbs 5:18 says, "May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deermay her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love."

The Song of Solomon celebrates the erotic sensual love between a man and his wife. Because it is so explicit, a lot of theologians have tried to turn it into an allegory of Christ and his love for the church. I think it can work for that, but I don't think that's the intent. It's an honest, look at the joys of marital sex. Sex was created by God to have an important place in a marriage, and the greater satisfaction you find in your relationship with your spouse, the healthier your marriage will be, and the less likely you will be vulnerable to sexual sin.

Sexuality outside of God's design is destructive

Now we know what sexual immorality is. But what is sexual morality? What is a state of sexual purity? You are sexually pure when sexual gratification at all levelsmental, visual, physicalcomes from no one except your spouse.

That's a difficult thing for a lot of people to hang onto. In the Bible days when you came to sexual maturity at the age of 12, 13, 14, you were normally married shortly thereafter. People today will live a decade or two beyond that before marrying, and some people never marry. So the question sometimes comes up: What about sex and the single? Are there alternative forms of sexual expression besides intercourse that are legal for the single person?

Any activity that creates sexual arousal is dangerous ground for the single person. And you've got to set those boundaries early, before you ever engage in a relationship, or they will be up for revisal.

Illustration: Someone said sexual sin will always take us further than we intended to play, keep us longer than we intended to stay, and cost more than we're willing to pay.

Let's look at one of the most familiar biblical stories of misdirected sexuality and its consequences: the story of David and Bathsheba.

One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful, and David sent someone to find out about her. The man said, "Isn't this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite?" Then David sent messengers to get her. She came to him, and he slept with her.

This story is an unlikely chapter in the life of David, a man about whom so much was written that is positive, that was good, that was wholesome. And yet there's this dark chapter in his life.

Lust takes no thought of consequences. Lust drives us to immediate satisfaction. Lust comes from our sin nature, and that sin nature, even though we now belong to Christ, cannot be domesticated. Even though David was a man after God's own heart, a worshiper, a praying man, he neglected to be on guard for his own capacity for evil.

Illustration: Several years ago a family in Northern California had kept as a pet a mountain lion. They got it as a cub. It had lived with their family for years, and they treated it as a pet. They walked into the room from another part of the house one day to discover this mountain lion had attacked, killed, and partially devoured their child. Why would they have allowed such a thing to happen? Because they thought that lion was domesticated. They refused to believe it was still a wild animal. And there is within you, no matter how long you have walked with Christ, a sin nature just as dangerous as that lion. And it will devour you the first time you turn your back and ignore it.

Listen to a few verses that describe what happens when we forget the power of the old nature that resides within us. In Romans Paul writes:

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator.

In Proverbs 6 is another graphic verse:

Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

Unfortunately, sexuality is one of those things that can become destructive and compulsive, even addictive. Many people struggle with a form of sexual addiction. Let me give you some of the clues of this particular type of addiction.

First of all, it's done in isolation and outside the context of relationship. Even if another person is involved, there's no relationship there.

Addictive sex is secretive. You desperately hope no one ever finds out.

Addictive sex is victimizing. Countless lives have been deeply damaged because of somebody else's selfish sexual gratification.

Addictive sex ends in despair. Every person who's ever given in to their sexual temptation knows the despair that settles in the moment after gratification. We say to ourselves "Never again," but somehow we find ourselves in that place time and time again.

Addictive sex is used to escape pain and problems. Alcoholics Anonymous has helped alcoholics deal with their craving to drink by learning an acronymHALT. If an alcoholic is struggling and feeling he has to have a drink, he will call his sponsor. His sponsor will say, "Are you hungry? Are you angry? Are you lonely? Are you tired?" These all become triggers for an addiction, because we think the thing we're addicted to will somehow sooth the pain, make the anger, the hunger, the loneliness, the tiredness go away. And it doesfor a moment.

Romans 7:2124 describes this compulsive behavior this way:

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.

God is waiting for us to hate the sin so bad we'll decide to walk away and walk in purity of heart. Second Peter 1:3 says:

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

There is a way to escape the evil desires and participate in the divine nature. Here is the good news if you are struggling with sexual sin. Impurity is a habit, and habits can be changed. You are not a victim. You don't have to be caught in this the rest of your life. There's freedom for you.

Illustration: My favorite French theologian from the 16th century, Fnelon, wrote this: "We are not masters of our own feelings, but we are by God's grace masters of our consent." You can't control the emotions that come into your life, but you can control what you do as a result of those emotions. And you can break a habit by replacing it with another habit. There can come a time when purity is the habit and, once established, is as routine as sin is now.

I read earlier in Romans that we worship the created rather than worshiping God. A sexual image, once we're locked onto it in our brain, becomes an idol, and gratification becomes an act of worshiping the idol we've created.

You can avoid sexual sin by guarding your eyes

So what are we going to do? We need some practical defense strategies if we're going to break free from this in our life. If you're engaged in battle and you know the enemy is out there somewhere, you want as many perimeters of defense between you and the enemy as possible. Even if he breaks through the first perimeters, there are still some barriers between you and the enemy. That's what we need to establish in the routines and disciplines and practices of our life. That first barrier of defense is to guard our eyes. Job 31:1 says, "I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl." In many cases you can control what comes into your field of vision. Books, television, movies, websitesthey're all things you can eliminate from your vision when they become a temptation.

Then there are times you cannot control what comes into your field of vision. Someone said, "You can't help the first look, but you can control the second look." Another guy says he has trained his eyes: "I do not allow my eyes to have any gratification except for my wife. And I'm happy to report that because of that I've quit comparing my wife to those virtually impossible standards of beauty portrayed in film and magazines. I now appreciate the uniqueness of her beauty. I don't compare her to anybody else."

First Corinthians 6 says this:

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

You can avoid sexual sin by guarding your mind

Second, guard your mind. Second Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God"and this next phrase is the one I want you to get"and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Here is the primary difference between men and women. The first perimeter we discussed, the perimeter of guarding our eyes, is much more vital for men. Men are almost always attracted to a woman first visually. And while women certainly appreciate a man, in most cases when a woman gets in trouble with lust her first attraction was in the realm of emotions. So women, if you're feeling vulnerable, lonely, unappreciated, or unattractive, and some man who is not your husband treats you with tenderness, kindness, listens to you, appreciates you, or compliments you, you will often feel an attachment to that man. And that attachment can take you places you never wanted to go.

This is not just a sin that pertains to men. In every affair there are always two people involved. Women tend to respond more emotionally; men more visually. Generally speaking, men are attracted to sexual images; women are attracted to romance novels. They love to read the story, the romance. Generally speaking, on the Internet guys get in trouble with explicit web sites; women get in trouble in chat rooms.

Here are some other ways to guard your mind. First of all, learn to recognize the lies of Satan. Lies like, It doesn't hurt to look, or, As long as we don't go all the way we're not hurting anybody, or, It's not cheating as long as we don't meet face to face. Every one of these is a lie designed to pull you away from the one who bought you with his own blood. And every one of these will eventually lead you to pain and despair.

Next, you need to destroy the tapes in your mind of previous sexual relationships, either real or imagined. I know men who have technically been faithful to their wives, but they play over and over again those tapes of past sexual relationships, past girlfriends, past lovers. Put them away and discipline yourself not to think on those memories.

Third, learn an appropriate , to talk to yourself in a good way. When you find yourself sexually attracted to someone say something like, "This attraction threatens everything I hold dear." Speak truth into your own life when you're in that situation. That will encourage you to step away rather than step toward what could be a disaster.

You can avoid sexual sin by guarding your heart

The third realm of defense is to guard your heart. The psalmist said, "I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you." If I give the first part of my day to my first love, to Jesus Christ, it is much easier to keep from falling into lustful habits throughout the rest of the day. When I gave my life to Christ, he came and dwelt within me. I am part of the body of Christ, and these daily reminders of who I am and whose I am are constant safeguards for me in maintaining sexual purity in my own life. It makes it much harder to fall in that area.

I've given my heart to my wife. Almost 17 years ago I made some promises to her, and they are promises I intend to keep every day of my life. So I will walk in the promises I have made. That means sometimes I'll do the right thing in spite of my feelings.

I've had a married man say, "I know this new relationship must be right, it must be from God, because it feels so good." If you ever say that to me I'm liable to strangle you, because that is not true. You do the right thing in spite of your feelings. I don't care how you feel. You made promises, so you do the right thing.

Treat your spouse with tenderness and affection. If you allow bitterness or resentment to build up, you create chinks in the wall that will allow Satan to provide temptations that will slowly but surely erode the trust you've worked hard to establish.

Another thing, especially for husbands, is to love your wife for who she is today. Not for the girl she was when you married her. Not for the person you keep hoping she'll become. Love her for who she is today. And love, as the Bible speaks about it, is a choice; it is not an emotion. It is a way of acting, not based on a way of feeling.

I want to speak also to parents, about guarding our children. Children who have been sexually exploited or who have been exposed to sexual behavior young in life frequently struggle throughout their lives as a result. So our job as parents is to protect them, to teach them, to pray with them about their own developing sexuality.

First of all, discuss sexual issues with honesty and sensitivity. Don't evade the questions. They'll inevitably come up at times when you would rather not talk about it. Talk about it, because if you don't have answers somebody else does. You have one opportunity to get your input on the tape of their minds before somebody else does. The problem with living in the timeframe in which we live is that it comes up a lot younger than it did when we were kids.

The second thing you need to do is be the parents and set some boundaries for your family for what is appropriate in areas of behavior, entertainment, dating, and dress.

The third thing is to make your expectations clear. I've heard parents say to their children, "It's hard not to have sex. I don't want you to, but when you do, take precautions and don't get in trouble." Have the courage to say, "The expectation is that you'll remain pure until the day you're married.

Friends, don't put yourself in a place where sexual temptation is pronounced. Erect some barriers in your life. Guard your eyes. Guard your mind. Guard your heart.

Wherever you are, there is hope for you in Christ Jesus. If you have strayed outside God's boundaries, there is forgiveness for you. You don't have to live with the shame and guilt you've been carrying around. If you are in the middle of some kind of sexual sin, today is the day you quit. Find somebody who will help you, who will walk with you and hold you accountable. Begin to build some barriers, and erect new habits to transform those other ones. Discover what are the triggers, the things that drive you to that thing. And give all the attention you're giving to everything else back to your spouse, if you're married, and rekindle the joy of sexual intimacy in your own home.

Ed Rowell is senior pastor at TLakes Chapel in Monument, Colorado. His most recent book is Emma's Journal (Waterbrook, 2003).

(c) Ed Rowell

Preaching Today Tape #242

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Ed Rowell is pastor of Tri-Lakes Chapel in Monument, Colorado, and author of Preaching with Spiritual Passion (Baker).