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Baby Crawl-A-Thon Marred By Controversy

The city of Lakeville, Minnesota (population about 60,000 in 2015) holds an annual celebration called Pan-O-Prog that features the Miss Lakeville Annual Scholarship Pageant, Beer, Brats & Bingo, a Carnival, and the always exciting and often controversial Baby Crawl-A-Thon. Emotions ran high when the 2015 winner, ten-month-old Berkley Bailey, was disqualified. Berkley crossed the finish line as the clear winner, but moments later event organizers huddled and then stripped her of the first and only title of her young life. Judges ruled that the tot actually pulled herself forward with her left side and then lifted her right arm in the air.

Pan-O-Prog President Diana Neameyer explained to the Sun This Week newspaper that the rules were established to make the competition fair and give everyone a level playing field. Berkley's mom, Samantha Moore, protested that the rule is unfair to babies who have a unique way of getting around. "That's the only way we've ever seen our baby crawl," she said. "That's all she's ever done. The doctor told us it was a crawl."

Ms. Neameyer said the issue first arose at the race in 2014 when a baby crawled like a bear, on his hands and feet. He finished the race first, but was also disqualified, because as Neameyer explained, "When you do it that way, you are a speedster."

In 2016 the Sun This Week reported, "There were some close calls, but no disagreements over the declared winner of the July 5, 2016 Pan-O-Prog Baby Crawl-A-Thon: 11-month-old Reagan Ortega of Lakeville." Wow, one year without conflict!

Editor's Note: This story actually happened. This is not from a satirical site. That makes it even more hilarious—or sad.

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