When I was twenty-six, I flew to Washington, D.C. to be a groomsman in a friend's wedding. After the reception, the wedding party of twelve or so headed to an upscale bar in Georgetown. Being part of the wedding party I tagged along. The turning point in the conversation came when the girl next to the girl who started all of this said, and I quote, "Andy, I heard a preacher say that the man had to be the head of the home because a two-headed home is like a two-headed monster. Is that what you believe? That the man is the head?"

Here's the gist of what I said, which was directed at the girls who were asking the questions:

Before I answer your question, imagine you're married to a man who genuinely believes you are the most fantastic person on the planet. He's crazy about you. You have no doubt that your happiness is his top priority He listens when you talk. He honors you in public. To use an old fashioned term, he "cherishes" you. He's not afraid to make a decision. He values your opinions. He leads, but he listens. He's responsible. He's not argumentative. You have no doubt that he would give his life for you if the need arose. You never worry about him being unfaithful. In fact, to quote an old Flamingos song, "he only has eyes for you."

As I was saying all of this, the folks on the other end of the table tuned in and began to listen. The longer I talked, the more I sensed their resistance ebbing. When I finished, I paused and asked, "Would either of you have trouble following a man like that?" The girl to my right blurted out, "Well, hell no! I want to meet that guy." Everybody laughed. Without realizing it, she made my point. It's easy, perhaps natural, to submit to someone who genuinely has your best interest in mind. There's no fear. No reason to resist. Conversely, anyone who has your best interest in mind has in effect submitted to you. That person has chosen to leverage him- or herself for your benefit, basically saying, "You first."