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Husband Realizes His Own Selfishness

Dave Goet z writes in Death by Suburb:

I've asked my wife through the years to support me in different ventures. When we were first married, I was a youth pastor and was taking classes at the University of Colorado at Denver. And I decided, "I'm going to be a writer." So Jana and I moved to the Chicago suburbs so I could take a job as a writer and editor. About four years later, I became restless, so I began working on an MBA. I expected her again to sacrifice.

By that time, we'd had one child. I also had a book contract. So I was working full-time, going to graduate school two nights a week, and writing a book. I'm not the one sacrificing; she is. Then I decided to start my business. By this time, we had two children. And the week I told her I was leaving my secure job to start a business, she told me she was pregnant. And again, who sacrificed?

So, recently, Jana told me she wants to go back to school. And how did I respond? I became unsupportive and critical. I thought, We don't have the money. Or, You actually need to work more, because…. It didn't matter that we didn't have the money for me to get my MBA or to start my business.

I had a great opportunity to give up power, to sacrifice some of the things I wanted, so I could help my wife with her dreams. But I told Jana the other day, "I know in my head that I need to do this, and it's killing me because it's so difficult." Why? Because I think about what I have to give up. I want my goals.

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