Pastors hear news all the time. Some of it's good, and some of it's, well, not so good...

GOOD NEWS:

Now that you have an associate, you don't have to prepare a sermon every Sunday. BAD NEWS:

She can preach better than you can.

GOOD NEWS:

Your church's new recovery group is well attended. BAD NEWS:

Your spouse and kids are in it.

GOOD NEWS:

The board voted for a staff salary increase. BAD NEWS:

The church janitor got it.

GOOD NEWS:

Your church is getting lots of free publicity recently. BAD NEWS:

It's on the crime-reports page.

GOOD NEWS:

Your youth director is finally getting kids to attend church. BAD NEWS:

They're going to the church down the street.

GOOD NEWS:

With your new wireless microphone, everybody can understand your sermons. BAD NEWS:

The hard-of-hearing suddenly discover they disagree with you.

GOOD NEWS:

People have caught the vision for church growth. BAD NEWS:

Now they ask why it's not happening.

GOOD NEWS:

The people missed you during your vacation. BAD NEWS:

They also missed attending church and giving their tithes.

GOOD NEWS:

The new donated computer is loaded with all the latest technological advances... BAD NEWS:

... for 1983.