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Why Are You So Angry?

Introductory remarks from David Anderson:

This sermon was in the middle of a series called "God Questions." It was interesting to me that the first question God asked outside of the Garden of Eden was a question regarding anger. He asked Cain, "Why are you angry?"

We know that anger does not give us the righteous life that God desires, as James says, and when anger was fully played out in Cain's life, it led to murder. He killed his innocent brother. It had nothing to do with retaliation for what his brother Abel had done to him, but everything to do with Cain's anger toward God and toward himself. As a result of this misplaced anger, he killed his brother Abel.

So I took that passage and built a message around anger. It's something all of us deal with, whether black or white, Asian or Hispanic, whether we're a child or a great-grandparent. Wherever we are in the world, anyone who listens to this message is going to find relevancy, because we all have dealt with the negative emotion of anger. I thought about what frustrations lead to anger in my own life, and I wondered, "How can we reverse the rush of anger?" so I don't just preach against anger, but also give the congregation tools. How do we give people memorable tools to help them deal with their anger in a way that's attainable, practical, and relevant, so the next time they feel that rush of anger coming on they can reverse it and downshift. That was the goal of the message: to identify that we all get angry, and then to give people practical suggestions on how they can reverse the rush of anger.

The biggest challenge for a message in any topic is relevancy. That wasn't a major issue here, because everyone can immediately connect. So I didn't have to build a case on why the message is relevant. The bigger challenge, then, was how to give people handles that would make them think the appropriate thoughts when anger rushes inside of them. How do you make emotions less volatile? How do you downshift? So the challenge was communicating a nasty topic in a humorous way, but also in a memorable way. I used the acronym "REGNA" as a memorable prescription to help people reverse the rush of anger.

The message ultimately blesses God, because it frees us from the bondage the enemy wants to get us in. The enemy loves to use our anger to create racial division, to create injustice, and to get a bitter root inside of churches, denominations, people groups, and individuals. Even though we may look pretty on the outside, if we have that bitter root based on hurt and frustration from the past, it can put us in bondage. And when we are in bondage, the enemy has a field day. This is why the Bible tells us in Ephesians that in our anger we are not to sin, because that's a door the enemy uses to put us into bondage.

Introduction

In Genesis 4 God asks Cain, "Why are you angry?" and today we're going to talk about that story. There are going to be some practical tips in the message to help us all, because anger touches all of us. We've all felt it. We all know it. The bottom line is, you put a d in front of it and you get danger. Anger is quite dangerous if it is not handled in a healthy way, and it becomes destructive. Some of us have experienced destroyed relationships, destroyed bodies, and even destroyed churches because of anger not being handled in a godly way. So we're going to talk practically.

Anger is expressed in many ways. It isn't always expressed outwardly. Sometimes it's expressed inwardly and can cause stress as well as depression and many other things. It can make you sad because you're so mad but you feel powerless, as if there's nothing you can do about it. You're in a slump. So it can be expressed in different ways. But oftentimes when we see it, it's expressed outwardly.

Maybe you'll understand when I say this quote: "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." How many of you recognize that phrase? This is from a show in 1978, The Incredible Hulk. Bill Bixby played this David Banner character who said, "Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." His eyes would turn green, his buttons would pop out of his shirt, and before you know it, this normal, everyday-looking guy would turn into this muscular, mean Hulk.

Here's reality: two people are inside, one that's nice and sweet and normal, and all of a sudden you touch a button, say the wrong thing, hit that trigger, and the Hulkish side of them comes out. For some of you, you thought you were interacting with David Banner, and then the next day the Hulk came out. You stood at the altar and thought you had married Banner, and after the honeymoon the Hulk came out. Some of you thought you were working for Banner, but then you did the report wrong and the Hulk came out. Some of you mothers swore you gave birth to Banner, and a couple of days, months, years later, you don't recognize the little monster that bears your name. Some of you are godly church members and, boy, you look good when you're in church, but catch you at the wrong time in the wrong place, and the Hulk comes out.

Cain was the first person to get angry.

Notice that this is the first worship service, the first offering where Cain and Abel are bringing an offering to God. And notice that Abel brings an offering of fat portions and the firstborn (the first fruit of all the animals). Cain, on the other hand, brings something of what he worked at. He worked the soil and the fruit or the goods that came from the ground. It's as if he had a group of apples and saw one that was bruised and rotten. He said, Hmm, this is the one I'll give to God. And as a result, when God received the offering he had favor on Abel's offering but not on Cain's offering, because Abel was giving out of his first fruits. He was giving his best. But Cain, on the other hand, was giving what was left over. Hebrews 11:4 says: "By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man when God spoke well of his offerings, and by faith he still speaks even though he is dead." Cain was thinking about his offering in monetary terms: What can I give and get away with it? For Cain, it was about profit. But Abel was thinking, I've got to give God the best, and I'll live on what's left.

You know what happens next—God looked upon Abel's sacrifice with favor. Because of this, Cain burns with anger over his brother. And God does what he always does when we are having heart problems: he comes and gently confronts us to give us an opportunity to get our sin right. He comes to Cain and asks, "Why are you angry?" When God asks a question it's not because he doesn't know the answer; it's because he wants you to understand the answer. God already knows why he's angry, but Cain doesn't even realize he's angry.

This God of love and mercy says, if you just do what is right, no problem. Just repent. God says, sin is crouching at your door trying to have you. But I'm stepping in to give you a way of escape so you can make it right with me, no consequences. God always gives you a door of escape when you're tempted. The Bible makes it clear that there is no temptation that would take you, that he wouldn't at least give you a way of escape. So God gives Cain a way of escape

This is true in our lives. When sin comes knocking on our door, it desires to have us. But God always steps in. He always gives us a door of escape. James says in 1:13-15: "When tempted, no one should say, 'God is tempting me,' for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then after desire has conceived it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full grown, gives birth to death."

First John 3:12 says this: "Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous." So for the next few minutes I want to talk about why Cain killed. What was the root cause? If it's true for him it may be true for us as well. Here are four reasons why Cain killed, and it spells the name CAIN. It killed Abel, and it can kill those around us.

Comparison causes anger.

We see in the text that there are two offerings, one from Cain and one from Abel, and evidently Cain's was not accepted. That caused comparison between brothers—competition for the acceptance and affection of God.

One of the things that will make you angry is when you're comparing yourself to other people. The Devil loves to get you thinking about everybody else. And God is saying it's not about Abel; it's about you. And what happens is, if we're not careful we get into the looking-at-everybody-but-ourselves game. And that's a bad game to play. Because what happens is jealousy creeps in, envy creeps in, covetousness creeps in, greed and materialism creep in. We start comparing ourselves to everybody else. And before you know it we're getting angry because we don't have what someone else has. We don't have a spouse like that person. We don't have a house like that person. We don't have mouse like that person. Whatever it is. After a while we start getting angry and upset and jealous over everything.

Cain couldn't get connected with God, because he was too busy thinking about his bottom line and the fact that God had favor on his brother and didn't have favor on him. Especially because he's the older brother, right? We know how older brothers in the Bible are, right? You remember with the prodigal son, the older brother gets angry when God has favor on the younger brother. He feels like he deserves it. He's in position. When we compare we're not dealing with God anymore. We're too busy looking at other people. Here's the second one.

Acceptance causes anger.

Really it's not acceptance; it's the lack of acceptance. God would not accept his offering; therefore he didn't have favor on him. Sometimes we want the favor God has on other people, and God is saying, "I have my own favor for you but you have to obey. I'll give you favor, but you have to do me a favor. Give like I ask you to give; do what I ask you to do." But we can't live with that type of acceptance, feeling it's really nothing more than a lack of acceptance. Over time, then, we grow angry.

Isolation causes anger.

Isolation also causes anger. Like Cain, we get in the field all by our self, and with all of that time we have, we think and think about life, and we get angrier and angrier.

If you don't have people to pray with, to talk to, a life group, a small group, a counselor, some friends, whoever is safe in your life to talk to about your issues, you start talking to yourself. How is that conversation going? You start talking to yourself, and you get angrier and angrier and angrier. If you don't watch out you start shouting, and nobody else is in the room.

Negativity causes anger.

Abel was a good man, but the angrier Cain got, the more he thought his brother was the Devil himself! Here was a man who gave the best offering he could to God. But he gets attacked and killed. Why? Because Cain, isolated with his corrupt thoughts, had called good, evil.

Request help from God immediately.

Now I want to tell you how to deal with anger in a way that is healthy. These are five ways to reverse the rush of anger, and they spell out the word REGNA.

Proverbs 18:19 says this: "An offended brother is more unyielding than a fortified city, and disputes are like barred gates of the citadel." When people get angry and offended, it's like a fortified city. Some of us can be so angry, so vengeful, and so hurt that we're like a fortified city that nobody can get through. We're the biggest personal gated community there is, and we're not letting anybody in. So what do you do?

Request help from God immediately. In fact, the Bible says if you're anxious about anything, pray. But see, the Bible also says in Ephesians 4, "Don't let the sun go down on your anger or you will give the Devil a foothold." Out of all the doors he could use, notice that the first one we see, the first time the word sin is used in the Bible is right here. "Sin is crouching at your door." The Devil is looking to come through the door of anger to take control of you. There's nothing more controlling than when you see somebody's eyes turn green like David Banner and the buttons start popping. The Devil is having a field day when he can get you into that volatile situation where you can't even make good decisions because you have allowed the negative emotion of anger to take full control over you.

So what do you do? You request help from God. God, I have to pray right now, because I'm about to kill somebody. I'm feeling the spirit of Cain come over me right now, Lord. You have to pray, because that's the only thing that can cool you down. When you start talking to God, you realize you can deal with things. God says, "Take a deep breath. I'm bigger than this person. I'm bigger than this situation. I'm bigger than this job that you lost. I'm bigger than your parents or your grandparents that are acting crazy. I'm bigger than your teenagers. I can handle this. I know the Hulk looks big to you, but I can handle the Hulk. I need you to just dial it down." And then the Spirit of Christ begins to flow and begins to move.

Exit volatile situations.

For some of you, this might feel like self-defeat. But some situations can be so volatile that the best thing you can do is exit the situation. It may feel like a defeat. It's not a defeat. A defeat is if you stay and you pick up the plate or you pick up the glass and it goes flying before you even knew it left your hand. That's defeat. It would be much better to exit the situation.

Let me give you a tip. When you exit the situation, make sure you communicate to the person that you'll deal with this later. You're just giving yourself a time out. Maybe you're going to go work out. That's never going to happen with me, but whatever you have to do to express your anger and get it out of you, go do that as long as it's a healthy way. But you have to communicate that to the person, whoever it is. Give yourself a countdown, because you're going to say something or do something that's not right. You're going to respond to an e-mail so quickly that when you read it the next day you're going to say, Man, I wish I hadn't sent that. So exit the situation. Don't write a quick e-mail. Don't respond quickly to a negative voicemail. Because you hear it and you want to dial back and, boom, you get their voicemail and now it's the war of the voicemails. And before you know it you got all mad at each other and never talk to one another. This happens.

Psalm 4:4 says, "In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your heart and be silent." There's a time when you have to pull away. Just take a deep breath and be silent. It says, "Search your heart." Talk to the Lord. Spend some time with him. Exit the situation and get a little bit of alone time. You still may have reason to be angry. But now at least when you express it you can express it in a way that's not reactive.

Get over it.

This may sound insensitive, but just get over your anger as quickly as you can! Some of you are saying, "But I have to feel these emotions." I know you do, and I have to feel them, too. But go ahead and feel them and get it out of the way. Cry a river. Build a bridge and get over it. Because if you don't, it's going to get a hold of you. Don't sit around and feed the hurt. Don't talk about it over and over and over again. Don't mull it over and over and over again. Some of us save emails, hang onto voicemails because we're so mad. And then a week later we listen to it again and get mad all over again. We should push delete. You have to keep short accounts. You have to get over it. And I'm not saying getting over it is easy. I don't want you to think I'm being insensitive. I've had anger I've had to get over, too. I've done things in my anger and frustration I'm ashamed of and I wish I had never said or done.

Note the root cause.

We know the root cause for Cain was his not being accepted and his comparison as a result of that. He was jealous. He was mad at God and at Abel. And here's the issue: Other people may not be able to know what the cause is. All they know is that you're really, really mad.

My wife had me digging up a bush not long ago. That in and of itself made me angry. But as I was digging up the bush, guess what I found? Deep, ugly roots. It seemed like it would be a quick job, but it was not a quick job because every time I knocked one root out there was another root, and the deeper I got the more roots there were.

There could be some pretty-looking bushes out there, but when you get down under there are some roots of bitterness and anger. And the root cause has nothing to do with the situation that made you angry. You see, it had nothing to do with Abel. Abel didn't do anything. All Abel was doing was trying to love God. But he was a victim of somebody else's anger. And some of you are like Abel today. You're like, What did I do? Because you happened to be within target distance, you're going to get what somebody else's root cause spewed all over you. And if you get up under it you realize the reason they're angry is not because of you. I mean, what you did may have been an issue, but on the Richter scale what you did was a three. The person is reacting like an eight. Where did that come from? It's because there are some roots under there. Abel was a victim by association.

Act as the master, not as the slave.

My mom used to always say, "Who's the parent and who's the child?" And I always had to answer it: "You're the parent; I'm the child." I mean, it's not a tough quiz. Just one I never really liked. And she would often say to me even as an adult, "Remember, you're the parent. Act like the parent." You're the master; act like it. That's a good word for some of us, because some of us don't feel like we have control. God said to Cain, and he says it to you: "You must master it." In other words, you can. You have been given dominion over these emotions. You can do this. With the help and power of Christ, you can master this.

Maybe you should be saying to yourself, I refuse to let this anger me. You can actually do it. You can temper your temper. You have the ability to do it. Proverbs says, "A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered." Proverbs 16:32 says, "Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city." And Proverbs 14:17 says this: "A quick-tempered man does foolish things."

So start talking to yourself in a positive way, not a negative way. Some of you say, oh great, positive thinking. Hey, what's the alternative? Negative thinking? Some people will say amen to the negative self-talk, but anytime somebody's talking about something positive they resist it. They have a problem, they're whining over it, they're mad about it, they want to knock somebody across the jaw, and somebody says, "You know what? God's got this, too. God can handle your boss." And in their spirit they think, Hah, don't preach to me! But they'll soak up the negative stuff: I'm just not that great. God's never come through for me. The Devil and all the demons, including people around them, are saying, "Amen. You got it. That's right."

Conclusion

Let me review. What did we say? Cain's anger kills for four reasons:

  1. Comparison
  2. Acceptance issues
  3. Isolation
  4. Negativity

We said there are five ways to reverse the rush of anger in your life so the Devil doesn't get a foothold. REGNA:

  1. Request help from God.
  2. Exit volatile situations.
  3. Get over it quickly.
  4. Note the root cause.
  5. Act as the master, not as the slave.

We want to reverse the rush of anger. So if you take REGNA and turn it around, it would be ANGER. We're going to flip the script, and the next time we feel anger we're going to say REGNA.

For Your Reflection

Personal growth: How has this sermon fed your own soul? ___________________________________________

Skill growth: What did this sermon teach you about how to preach? ____________________________________________________________________________

Exegesis and exposition: Highlight the paragraphs in this sermon that helped you better understand Scripture. How does the sermon model ways you could provide helpful biblical exposition for your hearers? ____________________________________________________________________________

Theological Ideas: What biblical principles in this sermon would you like to develop in a sermon? How would you adapt these ideas to reflect your own understanding of Scripture, the Christian life, and the unique message that God is putting on your heart? ____________________________________________________________________________

Outline: How would you improve on this outline by changing the wording, or by adding or subtracting points? _____________________________________________________________________

Application: What is the main application of this sermon? What is the main application of the message you sense God wants you to bring to your hearers? ____________________________________________________________________________

Illustrations: Which illustrations in this sermon would relate well with your hearers? Which cannot be used with your hearers, but they suggest illustrations that could work with your hearers? ____________________________________________________________________________

Credit: Do you plan to use the content of this sermon to a degree that obligates you to give credit? If so, when and how will you do it?

David A. Anderson is the founder and senior pastor of Bridgeway Community Church, a multicultural congregation in Columbia, Maryland.

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Sermon Outline:

Introduction

Anger with a d is danger.

I. Cain was the first person to get angry.

II. Comparison causes anger.

III. Acceptance causes anger.

IV. Isolation causes anger.

V. Negativity causes anger.

VI. Request help from God immediately.

VII. Exit volatile situations.

VIII. Get over it.

IX. Note the root cause.

X. Act as the master, not as the slave.

Conclusion

Reverse the rush of anger in your life.