Rumored notes from hospital charts (probably written by some sleepy intern or frazzled nurse):

• The patient refused autopsy.

• Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

• Note: Patient recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.

• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

• On the second day, the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

• The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

• She is numb from her toes down.

• While in ER, she was examined, x-rated, and sent home.

• The skin was moist and dry.

• Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

• Patient was alert and unresponsive.

• Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

• She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

• I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

• The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

• Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

• Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.