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Office Copier Inspires "Dear John" Letter

Every office battles the copier and all too frequently the copier is victorious. The fiction-writing department at Columbia College Chicago struck a blow for workers everywhere by documenting their troubles. In a diary of dissatisfaction entitled "Crumpled," entry after entry detailed the woes inflicted by the machine upon its users. Beyond the pedestrian complaints of misfeeds, error messages, strange noises, and mangling, one entry read: "Photocopier takes a bite out of Jan's hand. Blood is drawn." Clearly this extraordinary machine had attitude.

The multitude of frustrations prompted someone to write a letter to the copier.

To my darling Toshiba: Dearest, I'm afraid this isn't going to work anymore. It's over—I must leave you. Don't act so shocked—this entire relationship was cursed from day one. We've had nothing but problems. At first, I could overlook the little things—the incessant humming, the acrid chemical smell seeping from you, your constant comments of "Warming Up, Please Wait" when all I wanted was to embrace you. But then it all became one endless malfunction—all your little hang-ups had you out of commission for days at a time! Toshiba, I need some attention. I had to visit other Toshibas throughout the building, sometimes three to five times in one day! And you yourself—don't think I haven't noticed how often the repairman stops by, because I have! This is not a healthy situation for either of us, so I'm ending it right now. You should seek professional help.

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