Introduction:

·      Divorce comes as a sneak invasion from a hostile enemy.

·      Divorce sneaks up on two people who began a union deeply in love.

·      This national attack affects over half of all marriages today.

The church hasn’t always responded lovingly to the divorced.

·      Many who experience divorce long for the church’s grace, love, and forgiveness.

·      Divorce is sometimes seen as the biggest of all of the sins in the church.

-Illustration: Hibbard’s home church would forgive a pimp but not the divorced.

·      Some here wonder when you are going to be made to feel ashamed and guilty.

-llustration: Hibbard reads poignant quotations from a Christian magazine of how the church has let down several divorced persons.

Every story is different and tragic.

·      Many of us are dealing with the pain, turmoil, and rejection that come with divorce.

·      The D-Day invasion of divorce cuts across all lines.

-Illustration: Hibbard has a pastor friend whose wife suddenly walked out, and a former youth group member who was divorced after two years of marriage.

·      This church is not a place of guilt and shame; we believe in the grace of God.

Jesus is gentle with us.

·      In Matthew 12:20, Jesus quotes from the book of Isaiah: “A bruised reed he will not break. A smoldering wick he will not snuff out!” (Isa. 42:3).

-Illustration: Hibbard quotes Max Lucado about the qualities of a bruised reed and smoldering wick.

·      Many of you came here today, bruised and broken and feeling as though you are a flicker away from extinction.

·      Jesus has always been a friend to the hurting.

·      There is a love that knows your name and circumstances: the love of Jesus Christ.

·      Your future is as bright as God himself.

The Bible says a lot about divorce.

·      Some people ignore the biblical teaching.

·      Some people want to oversimplify and distort this very clear biblical teaching.

·      God hates divorce because our Creator God designed marriage so that “the two shall become one.”

·      When divorce invades our lives and our homes, this oneness is split apart.

·      God hates divorce because of the pain it causes his people.

·      Divorce is never in God’s perfect plan—that the two would stay together forever.

·      The Bible is clear that divorce is no worse than any other sin, but, like all sexual sins, the consequences are usually more devastating.

-Illustration: It’s not like stealing a stamp at work, since the consequences are more devastating.

Divorce is something we can survive.

·      Many people look at their failed marriages and feel like failures.

-Illustration: Hibbard poignantly tells of his 24-year-old, two-years-divorced friend’s worries about ever “experiencing a marriage like it’s supposed to be.”

·      You can overcome the divorce invasion.

We’re going to have to attach some responsibility (1 Cor. 7:10–16).

·      In all divorce cases, one or both people were responsible.

·      Owning responsibility is the key to surviving the D-Day invasion of divorce.

·      Some of the most happily married people have learned from their past mistakes.

·      However, 70 percent of people who divorce once will divorce again.

·      The Bible says that adultery is a biblical ground for divorce.

·      To survive your spouse having an affair, you need the freedom to leave.

·      Paul says that if an unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, it’s okay to let him or her go.

·      With abuse (sexual or physical), abandonment, or an unsafe home, it is okay to let it go.

-Illustration: A relative’s husband abandoned her and the kids, and she’s not forced to say, “Well, I just have to be married to him and never see him again.”

·      If you have committed these acts or have chosen to leave for other reasons than these, you will need to own your responsibility.

We need to attain forgiveness and seek reconciliation (Matt. 5:23–24, Prov. 28:13, James 5:16, 2 Cor. 5:18).

·      True healing requires forgiveness for wrongs done.

-Romans 12:18; James 5:16

·      Learn to forgive, so that you can be healed and move on.

·      We must attain and accept forgiveness from God.

·      We accept his grace and forgiveness, and the slate is wiped clean.

·      You must attain forgiveness, so that you can move to reconciliation.

·      Reconciliation is a desire for rebuilt relationships.

·      Accepting Christ’s reconciliation and forgiveness teaches us what can happen in marriage.

·      Reconciliation takes giving forgiveness and acts of restitution.

-Illustration: A husband has an affair and destroys the marriage, yet he repents and does his best to be a good father and live in peace with his ex-wife.

-Illustration: Hibbard quotes ethicist Lewis Smedes about forgiveness being personal but reconciliation needing the cooperation and trust of both parties.

·      When we forgive someone else, we don’t have to have them accept it.

·      Reconciliation shows the true power of God in our personal lives.

·      It also empowers us to move on and resist the same problem later.

·      If kids are in the picture, reconciliation is vital to their emotional wellbeing.

Allow kids to stay relationally connected.

·      Kids are the biggest victims in divorce.

·      Do what you can to help them remain connected to both parents.

-Illustration: Christian psychologist, H. Norman Wright is quoted about how divorce has a more unpredictable route to recovery for children than death of a parent.

·      Let your kids see you living out forgiveness and reconciliation. 

-Illustration: When Hibbard worked with youth, he could tell which ones with divorced parents had reconciled and unreconciled parents.

·      You don’t want to let kids think that they are the ones to blame.

Align your new life with God’s principles.

·      For a second marriage to work, we must align our new life with God’s principles.

·      We’ve tried it our way and failed. Now, maybe we should follow God’s plan.

·      2 Corinthians 5:16–17