Introduction:

• Illustration: On a private retreat at a monastery, May observed even the monks experiencing interpersonal conflict.
• If you associate in any way with people, you will experience conflict.
• Conflict doesn't have to escalate into World War III every time two people disagree.
• If there is friction in a relationship, you have to work to resolve it, but it's better to avoid the conflict altogether before it becomes a problem.

Delay your reaction.

• We've been told to get things off our chest immediately.
• If you vent a little too much, you often cause more damage than you can repair.
• When there is conflict, delay your reaction long enough to evaluate what is going on.
• Flying off the handle is easy. Flying back on the handle can be a tricky maneuver.

-Proverbs 12:16

• Illustration: When May spoke at a children's camp, two counselors didn't pay attention, and the kids got out of hand. May delayed reprimanding the counselors and learned that one was dealing with a tragedy.
• Waiting to react gives time to reflect and saves many an apology.

-Proverbs 14:17; Proverbs 14:29.

• If you have a procrastination problem, this is one area where it will come in handy.

Say it gently and firmly.

• Illustration: A 20/20 feature highlighted a woman who constantly yelled at her children, who had learned to ignore her. Had she spoken in a normal tone of voice and followed through, she could have avoided screaming at the kids.
• When in conflict, you don't have to put heat on your words to have impact; you must be willing to follow through on what you say.

-Proverbs 29:11

• -Illustration: Dave Ramsey, in Financial Peace, says of bill collectors that ""The more powerless they are, the more abusive they become."
• The less weight your words carry, the more volume you have to put behind them.
• To resolve conflict, say what you need to say gently, and say it firmly.
  -Illustration: A boyfriend dealt with his future wife's chronic tardiness not by anger but by simply watching a football game with her dad rather than going late on a movie date with her.
• Without threats or ultimatums, simply relate your perspective on the problem.
  -Proverbs 15:1

Strive for a solution.

• People endlessly recount the problem, but fail to work toward finding a solution.
• To resolve conflict, one of you will have to change your behavior, or the other will have to change the way he or she feels about the behavior.
  -Illustration: A married couple quarreled over the husband's irresponsible spending. After he mended his ways, the wife was reluctant to let it go, until she realized she was unfairly harboring resentment to have an edge in the relationship.
  -Proverbs 15:18
• Once they have taken steps to make peace, you have to be willing to let it go.
• Spiritually mature people aren't interested in keeping conflict alive.
• Deal with conflict by striving for a solution, not by revisiting the past day after day.

Conclusion:

• You will have conflict, but you don't have to live or work in a war zone.
• You can avoid or resolve the conflict in your life by approaching it with wisdom.