The Week magazine runs a column called "What's Next?," a regular contest based on current events. In a recent issue they asked readers to submit answers to the following question:

The TV chef Anthony Bourdain recently advised: "Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement park. Enjoy the ride." What would be a good name for a theme park ride based on the typical American's body?

Here were some of the best answers:

• Sedentary Mountain
• Cholester-Roll
• Plumper Cars
• Tunnel of Love Handles
• The Tragic Kingdom
• The Expanding Universe
• SORRY—ride closed due to poor maintenance